I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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