The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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