If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
