The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
