Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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