I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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