Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
