It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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