I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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