I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
