I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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