its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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