and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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