All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
