Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you win again, gameday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
