I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
