Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
