I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
