He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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