He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
