What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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