GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
