you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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