There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
