I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
