matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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