btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
