I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
