I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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