Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
