We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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