I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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