yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
