Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this just has baby written all over it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
