we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
