is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
