Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
