You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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