I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
