Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize