I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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