I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
