My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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