like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
