woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
