i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
