Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize