Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
