every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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