If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
