So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
