this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
