i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
