Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
