he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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