Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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