I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
