Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
