i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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