How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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