I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
