So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it penis luge time yet?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
