It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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