so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love you. Go after that dick
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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